If we’re honest with ourselves, we all numb-out with something.

Addictions can be to a substance, pattern or process and in combinations. When you numb-out and take the edge off of vulnerability, pain, uncertainty, fear, disappointment and discomfort – you’re also dulling your joy, fulfillment, creativity and enthusiasm for life. You’re dimming the light and life inside you.


Think about it. Which teachers inspired you to change your life?

They’re the ones who provided more than information. They assisted you in increasing your awareness, which is very personal.


I began my coaching career specializing in the addiction field 10 years ago – coaching individuals, creating workshops and facilitating groups with well over 700 men and women.


My intention, in service to you, is to increase your awareness about addiction. Awareness leads to action – that’s if you choose to take it.

I certainly hope you do. For your own health and well-being and to increase the quality of your precious life.


1)  Misunderstandings about Addictions

Often times, people have the misunderstanding that addictions are only related to the most common – drugs and alcohol. This couldn’t be further from the truth.


Are you ready? Here we go …


Many highly functional and successful people have addictions ranging from substances; drugs (prescription and illegal), alcohol, caffeine, taboo and food – to sex, acquiring things, work, plastic surgery, exercise, gambling, television, anorexia/bulimia. The addiction to technology is pervasive and paralyzing communication, as we are distracted and stop relating to one another with substance, depth and human connection.


There are addictions to; negative thoughts, anger/rage, depression/sadness, co-dependence, helplessness, perfection, self-sabotage, needing approval, drama/chaos, people-pleasing, extreme behaviors, getting negative attention, having titles and accomplishments, doing/over-responsibility, blaming others, gossiping and disappointment. Addictions can also be to “fixing” oneself through workshops, more education and religion.


Be honest with yourself. Which ones pertain to you?


  • Learn About Blocks That Cause Addictions


Common blocks are the way we think, limiting beliefs, and judgments about our lives and ourselves.


I consistently hear core and common limiting beliefs that perpetuate self-abuse. Then, those thoughts (whether unconscious or conscious) feed into our feelings, behaviors and shape our character, the landscape and results in our lives.


To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him. * Buddha


  • Why Do We Start Addictive Habits and Patterns?


When we’re young we become “meaning making machines” and come to conclusions about ourselves. Then we do whatever it takes (again, whether conscious or unconscious) to adhere to those agreements, maintain and stay in “this familiar, comfort zone.”


Then these erroneous conclusions and fears – even though they’re illusions – drive and motivate us. Instead of living fully from what’s truly possible for us and in our lives.


These addictive habits and patterns are started because of the way we think about ourselves and about our past experiences, as coping mechanisms for our survival. It’s critical to replace these mental habits, establish new, healthy, supportive ones and cultivate a new relationship with yourself and the types of conversations you have with yourself. With self-awareness, your corresponding behaviors will change, as well.


Other underlying reasons are: Avoidance and denial of our reality, avoidance of perceived emotional pain, avoidance of anxiety, stress and intimacy (disconnection from oneself and Source, Higher-Power, God = your God of choice) and pervasive feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy.


Notice if there’s a drive in inside you that sounds like this, “More, more, more, then I’ll be enough, have enough, know enough, and be loved, worthy and acceptable enough.” Sound familiar?

  • The Should Factor


How the word “should” relates to addiction is that most people have an idealistic comparison of themselves to others and how they “should be” living their lives. What they “should be” feeling or doing, where they “should be” at this age. How others “should be,” and how the world “should be.”


When those things don’t measure-up to the “shoulds” they try to control themselves and others. Then they come to negative conclusions, don’t like the way they feel, don’t know what to do with their uncomfortable feelings and turn to addictions.


Most ideals we have of ourselves people and life simply aren’t real. They’re made up stories from society, culture, the media, our caregivers and peers from their perspectives. It took me a long time to learn this myself!


It’s critical learn to accept the things you cannot change; muster the courage to change the things you can; and attune to your higher, innate-wisdom that knows the difference. Always know you have the power to choose what you listen to in the privacy of your own mind.


  • What is the “Mother-Load” of Addictions?


The “Mother-Load” and reason underneath addiction is the need to control.


Ouch! I know. That’s a tough one to look at and admit, isn’t it? The truth is, you can’t change what you aren’t willing to look at.


Let’s face it, being okay with uncertainty and opening to the mystery of life is essential and not easy.


You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you. * Brian Tracy


Of course, I don’t recommend doing any of this alone. It’s very difficult to grow alone in a vacuum. Ask for and receive professional support.


I can assist you, in a compassionate, empowering  :45 transformational conversation – My gift to you for being a subscriber.


Simply call me @ 503.954.3911 to schedule or email @ joeleneselfmastery@gmail.com


All the suffering, stress, and addiction comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for. * Jon Kabat-Zinn